General Commentary (May be military related) email: Kudzuacres1@juno.com

Friday, March 18, 2005
Dang it. We had three bass players show up last night and two of them could actually play. I was relegated to guitar and had not brought my acoustic. I ended up playing kind of second lead or third lead since there were two other guys who could--oh well, you get the idea.

We play for 4-5 hours and it is an interesting experience. There are very few tunes we do week after week and most weeks well over half the stuff is new to us. I am amazed every week at how quickly the group picks up the music and how well we as a group play. For instance, last night one of the guys brought a CD that contained a song by an artist the rest of us had never heard of. He played about 30 seconds of it so the fiddler could pick up the intro. We then proceeded to play the song as a group with the fiddler and lead guitarist (including me) playing breaks good. Oh, and we tranposed it so the singer could sing in a comfortable key.

That way of playing is how my Dad and his buds played when I was a kid. The choir I sing in can usually sing a new song through fairly well the first time, but we have the music (even if yours truly can't read it). These groups playing Bluegrass and Country just play.

What I find really amazing is how good most of our stuff is.

Since it has been Pun Week at the Acres, I thought I would finish off with this.

The Washington Post's Style Mensa Invitational once again asked readers totake any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supplying a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: "It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer".
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the bunch.
18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Two guys go ice fishing. One of them gets really cold and starts jumping up and down trying to warm up. His billfold pops out of his pocket and falls through the hole in the ice. Two big fish grab it and start fighting over it. The two fishermen are amazed. It was the first time they had ever seen carp to carp walleting.

1. What instrument do you play? If we are using a real loose definition of "play", then I play the guitar and a fairly decent Bluegrass/Country bass.

2. Which one do you wish you could play if time and talent were not involved? The whole Bluegrass set including the harmonica.

3. Have you ever taken lessons for an instrument or voice and how did it go? Lessons?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead possums. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in thecraft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing inthe lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, " I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, --- thereby proving that only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did