KudzuAcres

General Commentary (May be military related) email: Kudzuacres1@juno.com

Thursday, June 17, 2004
 
Since I can't think of anything on my own, here are some helpful thoughts on the South. These are meant for Northeners who may be passing through.


Subject: North & South


>
> The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses
>
> The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
>
> The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
>
> The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
>
> The North has Ted Kennedy, The South has Jesse Helms.
>
> The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
>
> The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
>
> The North has green salads, The South has collard greens
>
> The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.
>
> The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt..
>
> FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH -----------
>
> In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
a
four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't
try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
>
> Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store
.....do not buy food at this store.
>
> Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural,
and "all y'all's" is
plural possessive.
>
> Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, air ya?"
>
> Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to
use it.
>
> Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either.
>
> The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most
Northerners
begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial
about it.
>
> The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
>
> Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
>
> If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you
should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
>
> If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go
there.
>
> Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns,
they
are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
>
> In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn
is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
>
> AND REMEMBER:
>
> If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will
accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven,
we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
>
> Have a good day! Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and
I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it