General Commentary (May be military related) email: Kudzuacres1@juno.com
Friday, September 06, 2002
A friend sent me this. I usually don't forward or post things like this, but it describes much of the Kudzu Land attitude so well. Actually, the part about the women describes a Coloradan friend of mine (originally from Kansas). She has a personal trainer, in rifle marksmanship. The last I heard, she could put a round from her .50 caliber in a half dollar size target at a half mile.
Subject: Southern VISA
In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Southerner, the Alabama Dept. Of Travel and Tourism will hand the following list to each person as they enter the State.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. The red dirt - it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks - it'll be permanent. The big lumps of it, they're called "clods."
4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
5. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped ... by our women.
6. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for ... bait.
7. Pull your big ole baggy pants up. You look like an idiot.
8. Men, if you want to wear earrings, pierce your nose and whatever, and wear your hair long- go right ahead - but if we call you ma'am, don't be offended.
9. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to make sure that it's not up to your ear at the time.
10. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
11. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey and cheese.
12. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot - sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened - add a lot of water.
13. You bring Coke into my house, it better be the kind that's brown, wet, and served over ice.
14. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're not real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.
15. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
16. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
17. We eat dinner together with our families, we pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast), we go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, we go to high school football games on Friday nights, we still address our senior with 'yes sirs' and 'yes ma'ams', and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.
18. We don't do "hurry up" well.
19. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with either salty fatback or a ham hock.
20. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp, too. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
21. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
22. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. You want to put milk and sugar on them - then you want cream of wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.
23. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.
24. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
25. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called Diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
26. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot ... his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
27. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.
28. You burn an American flag in our state - you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature (all 4 of them) enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $10 fine for beating up the flag burner.
Hey, Y'all enjoy your visit, hear.
I have always enjoyed reading Molly Ivins although I rarely agree with her point of view, but her apparnet obsession with blaming everything on George W. Bush is becoming a bore. This column is a good example. She has a good point on the accounting standard, but can't resist starting and ending with a slam on Bush. Is it just me?
All the signs point to an early rather than late confrontation with Iraq. The logistics seem to be in place. Iraqi air defense command and control installations were attacked with heavy force overnight and ammunition supplies have been moved to Kuwait. Disregard the official comments that the ammo will be moved back to Qatar. Ammo is not moved for training. We don't practice a lot of logistics activities because Armed Forces logistics personnel do their jobs everyday. If ammo was moved to Kuwait, it is for real not practice. I still discount a lot of what I hear about war preparations because I believe that our military can keep a secret quite well. On the other hand, the situation is not necessarily improving with time. The longer we wait, the more likely Saddam will be able to use whatever WMD he has. In the past few weeks, there have been a lot of stories about the reluctance of the military to go to war. I have no doubt that the senior military leadership has reservations. War is a serious undertaking and Generals will let the civilian leadership know the downside of any undertaking. But we should never doubt that when the President says go, the Armed Forces will go wholehheartedly. The American Armed Forces down to the individual soldier, sailer, airman and marine vowed to obey the civilan leadership and will do so. My career military friends express it this way: Tell the Boss how you feeel about a decision he is about to make. If you think it is a bad one, tell him the reasons you think so. Keep on telling him until you are told to shut up, then do everything in your power to make his plans successful. I think the first part is what we have been seeing. Now we will probably soon see the "make it a success part".
Possumblog has a post about a Super Sewer. The image is too much for me to think about, but one of his comments about how the people pushing for the project think that they are smarter than the rest of us reminded me of an old theory of mine. About twenty years ago, I discovered that my fellow Army officers suddenly developed enhanced IQs when they were assigned to the Pentagon. My conservative estimate was a full twenty points merely from reporting to work inside the 495 Beltway. Some who had trouble with bootlaces and basic Army tasks were transformed into near doctrinal wizards by being reassigned from the field to the Pentagon. Since I never was assigned in the DC area, I never received the IQ upgrade, as you may have already decided from these posts. Even with the lack of upgrade, I was able to develop a second theory that much of the myth of wisdom and intelligence inside the Beltway was the result of the inmates building each other up in order to avoid admitting that none of them were all that smart. If you work inside the Beltway, you can never admit that some other Beltway denizen is an idiot because to do so is to admit that you also may not be Einstein. For the last few years I have lived in civilian communities and have learned that the upgrade phenomena is not only for the DC denizens. State and local officials seem to think they receive the same IQ upgrades. A friend says he will run for public office after he loses all his self-respect. I think he can't face being any more intelligent.